Written 2010, Sincerely, "C"
The
Blue Rose
Ren
shielded her eyes as a stream of morning light invaded her room. Her little
sister had always loved waking her in this way, and if anyone else had been
opening the curtains at 6 AM, Ren’s tolerance for this ritual would have faded
fast.
“Rin,
I don’t need to be woken up this early on a Saturday.” Ren mumbled. Despite her
insistence on not needing to be woken up, she got out of bed and went to stand
in front of her sister. “What’s the occasion?” she asked.
“Daniel
came over last night while you were at the grocery store!” Rin said with a
smile on her face that made Ren raise an eyebrow. “He said he had some things
to discuss with you, and to meet him at the usual spot at 8.” Ren sighed. Daniel
had always been like this; spontaneous and otherworldly in a way. They had
grown up together in this sleepy little town, and whenever they talked, Ren
always had the feeling that he didn’t belong here, in such a “normal” place. It
was like he was meant to be somewhere else, and that he was only here to invite
Ren out to discuss strange and vague topics at ungodly hours of the morning. At
least, that’s how it had been lately.
“Ren?
Wake up!” Rin giggled as she watched her sister stare off into space.
Ren
shrugged. “I’m awake. Come on, let’s get breakfast.”
Ren
checked her watch as she began her walk to the “usual spot”- a park not too far
from her house. She glanced from house to house, eyeing their well-kept lawns
and tidy gardens with passive eyes. One could say it was mind-numbingly
beautiful, how these people managed to maintain such picturesque gardens, all
with the same flowers, and the same colors. Everywhere she looked, she saw
purple hyacinths, white lilies, and nothing else. It amused her how no one
dared to be different, and bored her at the same time. She had been walking
past the same gardens and smelling the same flowers for as long as she could
remember. When she reached the park she scanned the area for Daniel, and
spotted him sitting under a tree with his knees bent. She lingered there for a
moment, watching him. He was pretty tall, just a bit taller than her, and had
the most unique hair color Ren had ever seen- a dark auburn. His hair had
always reminded her of blood red roses, something she had yet to see in this
consistently dull town. She always wondered how he had managed to be born with
such an unusual hair color. His hair always seemed to sweep over his eyes in
such a way that it never actually obstructed his vision, whereas Ren had to pin
her bangs back every day to keep them from covering her eyes. When she managed
to tear her eyes away from his hair, she walked over to him and sat down, to
which he responded by promptly standing up and brushing the grass from his
jeans. She looked up at him, perplexed, and said, “You’re standing up as soon
as I sit next to you? Who does that?”
He grinned down at her
and offered her his hand. “I was only sitting down until you got here. I have a
lot of things I want to discuss with you, and they won’t have the same impact
if we’re sitting down.” Ren sighed and took his hand. He had always been a
strange one.
“Whatever.
What did you want to talk about?” she asked. He put his hands in his pockets
and looked around the park, and off into the distance. She stared at him,
wondering why he was avoiding her gaze. Usually he would always look directly
at her with this bright smile, a smile she found ridiculous and somewhat
blinding at times. Usually he would be spilling stories he had heard about the
“outside world” that his “distant relatives” had told him. Ren recalled such
stories such as how his cousin had gone hiking behind his house, and had found
an abandoned garden where “all sorts of flowers grew, the likes we’ve never
seen before!” She always wondered how embellished his stories were, or if they
were even true. Nevertheless she enjoyed listening to them.
“Daniel?
Are you ok? Say something!” she said as she continued to watch him. He had gone
silent.
“Oh!
I’m sorry,” he said, and let out a shaky laugh. “It’s just that…I’m so sick of
this town, Ren.” He gazed off into the distance again. “Summer is coming up,
and I think we should leave this town and go see new places.” He looked at her,
blue eyes glittering in the sun, and Ren felt her face growing hot. A few
seconds later she returned to her senses, and turned to face the sun instead.
He was at it again, trying to persuade her to go along with one of his vague
“grand” schemes. Ren recalled when they were younger, when she was seven and he
was eight. He had asked her to come with him to “find all the birds in our
town”. He said he wanted to ask them if they could help him and Ren fly away.
Ren had laughed at him then and called him silly. He’s still silly, she thought; still full of vague dreams with no
real means of accomplishing them. She turned away and said, “You know I can’t.
My father works all the time and I have to take care of Rin.” It had been that
way ever since her mother had died when she was ten, and now she was seventeen.
During those seven years, Daniel had seemed to grow even stranger, if that was
possible. “Rin can come with us,” Daniel said. She turned back to face him,
face returned to its normal hue, and said, “Don’t just add her on to your
spontaneous ideas.” What was he thinking? He knew her situation, and he still
presented her with vague fantasies about leaving this town. She was beginning
to feel like he was taunting her. She knew he wouldn’t drop it though, and she
prepared herself for more. “No, really. Rin can come. There’s enough room in
the car, and I’ve been saving some money…” he paused, and looked at her as if
he was looking for approval or recognition. “My cousin lives in a town
surrounded by nature, and he has spare rooms. He said that he’d love to show us
a world that’s different from our own…” he trailed off when he saw the annoyed
look she was giving him. She smirked and asked, “The same cousin who finds
secret gardens behind his house?” She shook her head and sighed for what seemed
like the 20th time that day. “Daniel, this won’t work. Even if
there’s space and you have money and whatnot, be realistic. Even though we’ve
known each other for years, you’re still an eighteen-year old guy. My father
won’t just let me and Rin go off on a road trip with you.” She brushed her dark
brown hair from her eyes, mentally cursing the bobby pins for not doing their
job. “Now is that all you wanted to talk about? I’m sorry, but I have some
homework to finish today…” she said as she intentionally averted his gaze. She
was sure those blue eyes could pierce through anyone’s soul. She cringed as she
imagined the thought of him really having that sort of power, being able to
peer into her mind, and learn all her secrets. “Just one more thing,” he said a
bit suddenly, causing her to jump a little. “Why do you always keep your hair
up?” She relaxed. This wasn’t the first time he had asked her this, and she responded
the same way every time. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
She gave him a small wave, checked her watch, and started walking back to her
house. She heard “Just think about it!” as she walked away.
“So?
So? What did you guys talk about?” Rin inquired as soon as Ren walked in the
door. Ren frowned. Her sister was far too energetic, even for a nine-year-old.
“It
was the same as usual. He went off on one of his vague tangents.” Ren said as
she headed for the stairs.
“What’s a tangent?” Rin
inquired, staring at her sister with big brown eyes.
“You’ll understand when
you’re older.” Ren replied, smiling and patting her sister’s head. Ren felt
feelings of hypocrisy creeping up on her as she headed to the stairs once more.
‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’ What a silly statement. She was eight
years older than Rin, and she didn’t understand Daniel at all. After all the
years they had spent together, he was still a mystery to her. His motives, his
true thoughts, his unrealistic wishes, even his appearance baffled her. Ren
tried to push him out of her mind as she sat down to start her homework.
A few hours later, loud knocks on the door made Ren
nearly fall out of her chair. She stumbled over to the door, already knowing
who it was, and opened it with the crankiest face she could muster.
“Daniel
came over again,” her sister exclaimed. “He looked sad. Did you two have a
fight?” Ignoring her sister, Ren walked out of the room and looked around. Why
was it that whenever he came over to her house, she never actually saw him
there? It was yet another one of those mysterious things about him that both frustrated
and confused her. Once she was sure that he wasn’t there, she went back to her
room and attempted to get back on track. This
essay is never going to get finished, she thought grimly. “Kind of. He
asked me to do something that he knows I can’t do,” Ren said, knowing the reply
was more than late, and hoped the time gap would make her sister forget what
they were talking about and drop the subject altogether. To her dismay, she
didn’t.
“Huh?
What? What did he ask you to do?” Rin squealed. She was literally bouncing off
the walls now. “Wait! I know! Did he ask you to marry him?”
Ren’s
pen nearly flew out of her hand when she heard what her sister had just said.
Where did she get that idea? Kids these days really did come up with the
craziest ideas, she thought. But was it really that crazy? Ren smirked as she
began thinking that if she were Rin’s age, she might actually have thought the
same thing. What else would a little kid think? She and Daniel did spend a lot
of time together, they had grown up together, and she supposed they would be
called “best friends”. But that was just it. Were they really just friends? She
had been pondering this question for a while now, but she had been pushing it
to the back of her mind. She would rather not think about it. She had other
things to think about, like passing her classes, her senior year, taking care
of Rin, and keeping the house clean while her father worked two jobs. She
didn’t have time to think about things like that, she told herself. But she
knew that no matter how hard she tried to push it to the back of her mind, or
how many responsibilities she had to take on ever since her mother had died, at
the end of the day, she would always end up thinking about herself. All humans
were that way, so inevitably self-centered. She then realized that the
self-centered part of her wanted to go with Daniel this summer. She wanted to
leave this dull town, where nothing ever changed, and where the people were
always so predictable. Daniel was the only person in this town who wasn’t predictable, and she knew that
she was drawn to that quality. But beyond that, she didn’t know what to make of
it. What was she to him? Ren sighed and let her head lay on the desk. It was
funny how a seemingly silly comment from her sister could thrust her mind into
such a confusing direction.
“Ren?
Are you okay?” her sister’s voice seemed to float in the background.
“I’m
fine. And to answer your question, no, he didn’t ask me that. Where did you get
that idea?” She brushed her hair out of
her eyes and prepared herself for more interrogation from a child. What a way
to pass the time.
“Well,
you two spend so much time together! You’ve been together ever since you were
little!” Rin said with a huge smile on her face. “He always wants to see you. I
can tell that he’s always thinking of you!” Ren couldn’t suppress a laugh as
she listened to her sister’s banter. Though she didn’t claim to understand what
was going on in Daniel’s mind, she knew for a fact that he wasn’t “always”
thinking of her. Most of the time, his mind seemed to be in the clouds, and he
was always eager to talk about his view of the world, and how things would be
different “out there” beyond their little town. He was filled with stories,
most being either vague or ridiculous. He always made it a point to “share his
knowledge” with her, and his vague ideas and schemes that he tried to get Ren
to participate in, the latest one being this little summer trip. Ren always brushed
these “schemes” off as unrealistic, and always said she was too busy even if his
ideas did make sense. Ren wondered if that hurt his feelings. She turned back
to her sister, feeling a little guilty about how passive she was being, and
said, “He’s not always thinking of me, he has plenty of other things to think
about. He’s going to graduate soon, he’s probably thinking about his future.”
Ren hoped that would be the end of it. She was considering kicking her sister
out of her room; she was being a huge distraction.
“Suuuure.
But anyways, Daniel said that he’s sorry if he offended you, and he wants to
meet you tomorrow so he can apologize.” Ren started to feel a little sick.
After everything she had just been thinking about, the idea of seeing Daniel
tomorrow made her feel a little uneasy. But she was determined to end this
conversation and get back to work, so she mumbled a “Fine,” and shooed her
sister out of her room.
The next morning, Ren sat in front of the mirror, hair
down, feeling dumbfounded. She didn’t know why she hadn’t put her hair up yet.
She always wore it up. Her hair was fairly long, as she had been growing it out
for a while, but she always put it up. Feeling more indecisive by the minute,
she settled on putting half of it up and letting the rest fall past her
shoulders. She would be late if she didn’t make up her mind already.
As she walked out the door, she was surprised to find
that she was even more annoyed at what she saw outside than usual. She usually
didn’t pay much attention to the dull surroundings, but today she was feeling
particularly irked and sickened by the sights around her. She felt like the
neat little houses and the prim identical gardens were closing in on her as she
walked to the park. How could those people stand it? Had everything really
always been this way, so identical, so completely bland? What sickened her more
was that Ren knew that her house looked like that too. She was feeling angry,
and feelings she couldn’t name seemed to be taking over her mind by the minute.
Acting purely on impulse, she went over to one of the gardens, plucked some
hyacinths, and crushed them beneath her foot.
Ren was surprised to find that Daniel wasn’t at the park
when she arrived. He usually always got there before she did. She was beginning
to feel a little frustrated. She sat down under the same tree they had met at
last time and waited. She began playing with her hair. Maybe I should have put it up, she thought. She was starting to
worry, and wondered if it looked alright. She frowned as she realized how petty
and stupid her thoughts were becoming. Seeing Daniel walk into the park didn’t
ease her worries much. She felt self-conscious and part of her wanted to run
away. She put these thoughts aside and tried her best to appear like a normal
human being when Daniel greeted her.
“Ren…listen,
I’m sorry about yesterday. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, and I’m sorry
I…”
Ren
cut him off. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been kind of stressed
out lately, and irritable. I would like to leave this town, but like you said,
I have a lot of responsibilities and I can’t.” She found herself staring at the
ground when she said this. She couldn’t look him in the eye. She felt herself
shiver as he sat down next to her, and put his hand on hers. She turned away,
blushing madly, and managed a nervous laugh. “Aren’t you going to stand up?”
she asked somewhat shakily. “Things have more impact that way, right?”
“Ren, come with me.”
“What?” she stammered.
Her heart was pounding now. She felt like it would leap out her body and leave
of its own accord, any minute now.
“I want to take you
away from here. I know you. I know how much you hate it here.”
His blue eyes were
piercing her green ones now, and she couldn’t bring herself to look away
anymore. She felt paralyzed, and weak. His eyes did have the power to peer into
people’s souls, and now she was pretty sure he could paralyze people too. She
knew her thoughts were ludicrous, but she didn’t care. After all this time, she
still didn’t fully understand who he was, and he might as well be a strange
being with strange powers. “How do you know I hate it here?” she muttered.
“It’s obvious,” He
said, not breaking his gaze. “Ever since your mother died, you’ve had so many
responsibilities dumped on you. You resent the fact that you have to be the one
to take care of everything, that you’re bound to this town, and that you can
never leave.” She started fidgeting. He was scaring her now. Everything he said
was true, but she wouldn’t admit it.
“Who
says I can “never” leave? Rin will grow up, and she’ll take care of herself.”
she replied. “Right now, I’m taking care of her, and I love her. Don’t tell me
I resent her!” she was surprised how fast her tone of voice had changed. She
couldn’t remember the last time she had shouted.
“I
didn’t say you resented Rin. Just your lifestyle,” he replied coolly.
“You
didn’t have to. Rin is part of my life.” Ren said as she stood up. She felt
like she had to get out of here before Daniel could point out more uncomfortable
truths. She wasn’t surprised when he got up and grabbed her hand.
“Ren, I’m serious. I
want to take you away from here, for good. If I don’t, you’re going to waste
away here.”
“I have to go now. It’s
getting late. Rin’s waiting for me to come back…” Ren mumbled as she felt the
tears starting. Her hair was in her eyes, and she couldn’t see. Everything was
starting to blur.
“I saw those crushed
flowers on the way here. It was you, wasn’t it?” Daniel said. Ren’s head was
starting to hurt. What didn’t he
know? She finally managed to pry her fingers out of his grip and turned to face
him.
“You…scare me. I’ve
known you my whole life, but I still don’t really know who you are. I don’t
really know anything about you,
Daniel. And I’ve always wanted to. But it seems that I all I hear from you are
stories about where you’d rather be. I can’t run away with someone like you.”
Ren said quietly. Daniel’s expression suddenly softened, and even through her
hair and her tears, she could see it. He was beautiful, in an otherworldly sort
of way.
“I understand.” He
said. “But let me just say this. You should wear your hair down more often.
What’s the point of having long hair if you don’t let people see it?” He was
smiling now, and Ren was as confused as ever. But for some reason, she felt
calmer, and she managed to respond.
“I
don’t need people to see it as long as I know it’s there.” She looked him
straight in the eyes. “Good-bye, Daniel.” She didn’t wait for a response as she
headed back home.
Ren
kicked the crushed hyacinths as she walked back. She watched them float in the
air, and drop back down to the ground where they belonged. Before she knew it
she was back at her house, staring at the garden with the purple hyacinths and
the white lilies. But amidst the sea of purple and white, she spotted something
blue. She walked over to it, and found a blue rose. It wasn’t planted, like the
rest of the flowers stuck in the dirt. “It’s fake,” she said out loud. “Roses
can’t be blue.” Florists surely made fake blue roses, she thought. A note was
attached to it, and she opened it.
“Dear Ren,
I’m
leaving this town, and I’m not sure if I’ll be back. I can only hope that one
day you’ll leave this garden on your own. Good bye.”
She
stared at the note. He’s really gone,
she thought. For once in her life, she knew that he was serious, and had been
telling the truth.
